Krakow Old Timers Golf Group Blog: Clark in Thailand: Chapter 5

Well at last!!! There is a place to at least get a bit of practice in before the round. Today finds me at Muang Kaew Golf Club and after my bag is unloaded in the front of this very lavish clubhouse and in the hands of “Bell” my caddie of the day,

I’m ushered down the steps to the cart staging area. I’m so pleased to see a lovely well manicured practice green with a neatly raked white sand bunker and a separate chipping green with closely mown run off areas offering the opportunity to hit all kinds of shots. I’ve got the warm fuzzy feeling and it’s going to be a banner day. No range, but at least I feel I won’t be starting my day with zero prep as in days past.

I’m paired up today with a wispy thin guy from Malaysia smoking like a chimney, another guy from Japan outfitted in the latest Malbon golf gear from head to toe including bag and umbrella, and a solo woman from Japan. She’s wearing all Adidas gear, visor, shirt, skirt, socks and shoes.

On the first tee we are all eyeing each other up as none of us knows the other and we are like the group that’s thrown together because the starter wasn’t sure what to do with the lot. Mr Malbon has the tee and he hits it solid as can be right down the middle. I can tell he can play a bit and he also thinks he’s at the top of the pecking order evidenced by the way he’s strutting around.

Arthur from Malaysia is next and hits it solid, but he’s just playing for fun and happy to light another cigarette now that the pressure of the first tee shot in front of strangers is behind him.

My turn and I’m lucky to absolutely blister a tight draw that ends up splitting the fairway and 30 yards past Mr Malbon. I’m not gonna lie…. I caught it good. Slight reorganization of the pecking order, much to the dismay of Malbon.

Out of my group I’m most impressed by the Japanese woman. I can tell she works hard on her game and I admire her confidence. It’s not the easiest thing to step in and join 3 men and she does not seem the least bit nervous. She goes about her business with a nice pre shot routine and hits it right down the pipe. Good for her!

I managed to hit it close and birdie the first hole, much to the delight of “Bell” my caddie and to the dismay of Malbon. Case closed on him as he proves himself to be a cheater on the first hole, as I see him improving his lie and then stepping in like nobody saw it.

Arthur from Malaysia managed to lose at least a dozen new pro vs today, the gal from Japan lost her fair share of brightly bi colored Srixons and dipshit Clark managed to lose his phone somewhere between 16 and 17. Now since my entire life, business and the keys to the castle revolve around this lithium powered device, you can only imagine the empty feeling of utter hopelessness if it’s not found. I’m trying to remain calm and just respond logically to the situation as it’s gotta be laying on the course within the last 2 holes. “Bell” on the hand is in full distress and meltdown mode. The caddie is 100% responsible for the bag and her player including accessories. No phone = immediate termination for her and she’s heart attack worried.

Play is halted as 3 rangers , Bell and myself are looking with no luck from fairway to tee on the previous hole. To Bell’s utter relief and delight, she finally found the phone in the rough next to the cart path on 17 green. The original place I’d first discovered it missing. It was on her side of the cart, but we had been using it for Google translate back and forth so it was all my fault. It most likely just slipped off the seat when one of us exited the cart. None the less, had we not found it, I’d still be there relentlessly searching.

Fun day today and despite the near flat-line trauma of pending doom and phone loss I’d be happy to play this track again.