Day 7: Mike Clark in Thailand

Red Mountain grilled ham and cheese “D-“

Red Mountain Golf Club “A-“

I’m writing this in somewhat of a reverse order and from the pictures I think you can see why. One of the factors that can certainly affect a club’s overall rating is the grill area and more specifically its offerings. This could quite possibly be the worst grilled ham and cheese sandwich in Thailand. Thin white bread with a couple of anemic ham slices so thin you could read the scorecard through them and who knows what kind of cheese. Served up with an order of fries so stingy that you would think they are rationing them out to shipwreck castaways.  Only thing that keeps it from a solid bottom of the barrel “F” is someone cut the crust off the bread. Chef Matt at our club would be strongly frowning in disapproval at the offering and presentation.

Now on to the golf…. Red Mountain Club is about 20 years old these days and showing a little wear. The carts and clubhouse look a little tired but the layout is the most diverse I’ve seen since I arrived. Playing through red soil cliffs covered with jungle foliage, they have really carved out a jewel of a course. Fairways are mown in a diamond pattern and the Bermuda greens are at least fair with enough undulations to keep you guessing on every putt. They were quite grainy but the posting in the clubhouse said 10.5 on the stimpmeter. That might have been a true measurement down grain but certainly not against it.

My caddie today was Siri, another real sweetheart who could speak more English than most caddies I have had. She’s got a boyfriend from England and she has learned the language well. I certainly think it serves her and her players best interest as most anyone I see is International. Other than Genghis yesterday, I’ve not seen any other Thai players. Like the Siri we are all familiar with, ask a specific question and you get information that’s correct about 75% of the time.

With a birdie on 9 that’s enough for us to turn the front in +1. When we teed off there was not a single sole in front of us. When we turned with momentum we are stalled out as there is a foursome on the green and a foursome on the tee box.

As it turns out they are having a photo shoot on the front nine and all players after us this morning are now starting on the back. That’s a bummer as now we are waiting every single shot. If I was at our club I’d be fuming mad, but things are just different here. Take it in stride, sit back and enjoy.

Siri is nice, the course is tough but fair and it’s not so hot that I’m soaked to the bone with sweat. This is not a short course by any means. I’m playing the blues again today at a little over 6,500 yards. Once again, I will say that you ABSOLUTELY have to drive the ball reasonably straight at this club, miss a fairway and it’s minimal rough and then jungle…. The tropics answer to the gorse bush in Scotland. After a dreaded double on the back and one more senseless bogey from the middle of the fairway, 80 yards from the green, Siri and I finish in 76 shots.  She’s happy as a lark as we finish with the same ball we started with and I’m replaying the familiar story of what could have been.

This round concludes my golf in the Phuket region of Thailand. Tonight I pack up the traveling show and head to the airport in the morning for a quick flight to the Hua Hin region of Thailand.  Another coastal town that is supposed to have some golf course jewels.

 
I’m looking forward to some more street food, off the grill, in the night market.  A lot of it looks like chicken lips or miscellaneous pig parts on a skewer, but it smells and tastes pretty delicious, so down the hatch. I’ve not gotten sick yet.

As a reassurance on several trips to and from the golf courses I have played, there is a sign with smiling furry friends that pronounces in bold letters for all who care to read, “It’s Unlawful to eat dogs and cats in Thailand”.  Thumbs up to that!